DEAR GOD.

WHY AM I SO ANGRY ALL THE TIME? THO', ON THE OUTSIDE, I'M EMOTIONLESS. THIS SUCKS! MAN, LIFE HITS ME SO HARD.

I'M FINDING FAULT IN EVERY PERSON THAT I'M LIVING WITH.

I'LL BEGIN WITH MY DAD FIRST. BABA, WTHECK! I NEVER THOUGHT I'D EVER SAY THIS, BUT YOU'RE SOME JERK. I THOUGHT I COULD TELL YOU ALL MY SECRETS, I THOUGHT I COULD TRUST YOU! BUT THE RESULT OF THAT IS YOU GONE TO MAMA, SPILLING OUT MY PERSONAL CARES AND IDEAS TO HER. NOW YOU GOTTA GO OFF TO EVERYBODY TELLING THINGS TO YOUR CO-WORKERS ABOUT ME, STUFF I DON'T WANT NOBODY KNOWING! THERE'S NO COMMUNICATION BETWEEN US, I'LL BE SURE OF THAT. THANKS A LOT, LIAR.

MY MOM. MAMA--I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF THAT'S APPROPRIATE OF ME CALLING YOU THAT! SOMETIMES, NO, OFTEN TIMES, I DON'T EVEN FEEL LIKE I'M FIT TO BE YOUR DAUGHTER. I CAN'T EVEN BE YOUR FRIEND! ALL THOSE TIMES WHEN WE'RE HAPPY TOGETHER--WAS I THE ONE PLAYING PRETEND?? I'VE SEEN YOU, THAT LOOK ON YOUR FACE WHEN YOU WATCH ME EAT. I SWEAR I CAN SEE THOSE CREASES ON YOUR FACE GROWING LONGER AND DEEPER, AND I'M SCARED FOR YOU MAMA. YOU CURSED US, SAYING THAT WHAT WE HAVE IS A BROKEN FAMILY. BUT DON'T WORRY MAMA, I'LL KEEP MY PROMISE. I WON'T VISIT YOU AFTER I MOVE OUT, YOU WON'T EVER HAVE TO SEE MY SORRY FACE AGAIN!
AND I DON'T WANT NONE OF YOUR FORGIVENESS, NONE OF THEM'S HONEST ANYWAY. THROW YOUR HATE AT ME, I'LL TAKE 'EM ALL! but at the end of the day, i'll still worry for you and make sure you're okay.

okay mei-mei. yuh ready? WTHECK ARE YOU!? SOMETIMES I DON'T EVEN FEEL LIKE I KNOW YOU! ARE YOU THIS BITCH WHO LOVES TO IMPRESS ALL YOUR FRIENDS FROM SCHOOL AND FROM THESE INTERNET GAMES? WHERE'S ALL THE EFFORT FOR YOUR BIG SIS? MAN, WE USED TO BE BEST FRIENDS, YENNO? I WAS ALWAYS THERE FOR YOU. I DEFENDED YOU, PROTECTED YOU, F-CKIN' SPOILED YOU. I HARDLY GOT ANYTHING IN RETURN, BUT I WANTED TO MAINTAIN THAT SISTERHOOD NEVERTHELESS. YOU BETRAYED ME, B-TCH. YOU TURNED ON ME! YOU GONE ON MYSPACE AND WHATEVER, PRETENDING TO BE SOMEBODY ELSE YOU'RE NOT, POSTING PICTURES OF SOMEBODY ELSE EVEN THO' YOU LABEL THEM AS OF YOU. "AWW, YOU'RE SO PRETTY," THEY SAY. "MELLIE, YOU'RE SO CUTE!" FUCK THAT, YOU UGLY AS HELL! I CAN'T LOOK AT YOU AND NOT FIND MYSELF FILLED WITH DETEST. MAN, YOU DON'T EVEN NEED ME. ALL YOU NEED ARE MY MATERIAL POSSESSIONS. YEH, THANKS FOR STEALING. BUT WHATEVER 'CAUSE YOU KNOW KARMA'S RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER.


wait. what am i complaining about? there's a whole population of the destitute and the deprived with nothing compared to what i have. i'm not depressed, listen. but i do regret about everything that i am, and everything that i'm NOT doing for those people who are in dire need.

Lord, I ask for your forgiveness.
I am seriously
so
lost.